Potato
by shipeverythingandanything
Summary: Sam Campbell is working at the grocery store, when he sees a really, really attractive man trying to steal potatoes. Is that...the 27th? What the hell? Reviews and comments are very much appreciated.
1. Russet

_AN: Hi guys! This is my first "real" fic that's probably going to get past a couple of chapters, so…yay! Oh, and before I forget, thank you so much sadstuck13 for being my beta reader- you're the best. ^ ^ Enjoy, and don't forget to leave me a review, whether you like it or not :D _

Sam's first thought was: _what the actual hell?_ It was later at night- about nine. The store would close in about a half an hour, and he was dying to get some rest until now. _What_ was that random college dude doing in the vegetable corner, trying to stuff potatoes in his pants? At first, he was going to say something. Maybe walk over, tell him that he can't do that. But now- was that the twenty-seventh? How big are this person's pockets? Seriously, though. _What_? Sam frowned, and finally called out.

"Excuse me…" he started. The man turned around. Hot _damn_. Sam felt his mouth open in a perfect _O_. That guy was, for lack of a better word, beautiful. But also _hot_. He was also stealing potatoes.

The man quirked a smile at his reaction. Sam corrected his face to look more stern and less _whoa_.

"Excuse me," Sam repeated. "There are baskets over there, if you want." He gestured to the carts and baskets, hoping the blush didn't show.

"Oh, really? Thanks for telling me," he said. He took yet another potato and attempted to balance it in his left pocket.

"What is that, the…twenty-ninth?" Sam asked. The man thought a moment, and nodded.

"Sounds about right," he said, grinning.

"Why…" Sam started. "Why do you need twenty-nine potatoes?" The man shrugged.

"Why not?"

Sam opened his mouth, closed it several times, trying to come up with a good response.

"Would you like to check out, now?" he managed to get out.

_tbc..._


	2. Kennebec

_AN: Is this okay, guys? :D I think now I'm going to have a proper update schedule, so that's a god thing…right? (That would be every Monday, with some exceptions) Any reviews/favorites are deeply appreciated __J_

"You have a card with us?" Sam asked. He was trying to act normal. He really was. But it was hard, seeing as this guy was a) insanely attractive and b) purchasing a ridiculous amount of potatoes.

The man beamed. "Yep. My number is-"

"Wait a sec," Sam interrupted. He tapped a couple of buttons. "Okay. Go for it."

"Eight-eight-six. Nine-oh-seven. Three-two-three-five. You got all that?"

"1-866-907-3235? Dean Campbell?" Sam froze as he read the name. Dean Campbell.

"Yep, that's me," he confirmed.

"Well, uh, Dean, it looks like your thirty potatoes are worth $35.75, but thanks to the discount that applies to those potatoes and your card, it brings your total to…$10.75. Wow. That's…quite a discount."

"Exactly."

Sam scoffed. "You're like a math problem. Dean walked into the store. He found some potatoes that were on sale. If he bought _x_ pounds of potatoes for _y_ dollars per pound, and they were on sale for _z_ percent off, how much would that cost for any given amount of potatoes? Dean also has a card with the store, giving him an additional _a_ percent off. Now, how much are the potatoes?"

Dean raised his eyebrows and smirked.

"'S that supposed to mean I'm dark and mysterious, or scary and confusing?"

Sam flushed. "It means that you buy a lot of potatoes, Campbell."

Dean chuckled at Sam's discomfort. "And here I thought we were already on first name terms." He grinned, taking the bag of potatoes. "Call me later, Sammy. You already know my number."

Sam felt his face heat up even further. He barely knew this guy, and he had the audacity to…!

"It's Sam!" he heard himself call out. He heard Dean laugh as he retreated. It only later occurred to him that he hadn't told Dean his name yet.

Supernatural forums

Impala: Debate: Who's better for Dean- Cas or Sam?

RealMoose: I'll take that. Sam.

67Impala: Aw, I wanted to!

DeanCas4Ever: Impala Why do you even want to start this? This is one of the most heated debates of all the Fandom.

Impala: DeanCas4Ever Why not?

DeanCas4Ever: Impala Because Cas is way better for Dean, is Why! Is you're mind okay? Did you See all those episodes where they were staring at each other for like Ten minutes?

Impala: DeanCas4Ever What are you, a middle-aged soccer mom? :D Come back to me when you have better arguments and for God's sake- fix your capitalization and your apostrophes!

RealMoose: Thanks. You want to start, or should I?

Impala: Cas pulled Dean from heckity-heck. (book 4) I mean, isn't that enough? Dean is clearly bi-Xual (like, every episode ever) and I think we can agree on that point. Cas probably loved Sam, too, but in a more familial/platonic way. Dean might not love Cas, but Cas clearly loves Dean. Sam and Dean love each other too, but in a family way. It's incest. Seriously.

RealMoose: Yes, but Sam and Dean are brothers. Yeah, it's incest and all, but when has legality been a matter for the Winchesters? It's not like they can have kids, either way. Sam is the only person Dean has left other than Cas, who's an angel, that he let himself care about. Cassie and Lisa mattered to him too, but Sam has been the one constant in his life. And when he died, Dean nearly tore himself apart. When Dean died, Sam went crazy in Mystery Spot (book 4). Cas is more of a come-and-go thing. (Heckity heck? Seriously, dude?)

Impala: The curse word filter on here sucks. Especially since H-e-l-l is a canon place. "Sam is the only person Dean has left other than Cas, who's an angel, that he let himself care about." Nowhere in the show is there any evidence that they have more than familial love. In Mystery Spot, well, how would one feel if your brother who'd been protecting you your whole life died a hundred times over (and came back) but then one day _actually_ died? And let's not forget all the eye s-e-x (duck you, curse filter) Cas and Dean have. And in Purgatory? I mean, seriously- Cas and Dean have more eye X than Twilight.

Sam groaned as he read the response. What was he supposed to say to that? Cas clearly freaking loved Dean. Dean didn't, though. Sam also, well, he clearly cared about Dean. And Dean, too. Even in book 2, for God's sake! He decided to think about other things, for the time being.

For instance, the potato guy. Dean Campbell. The guy was still killing him. Was it a coincidence that his name was Dean? Probably. There were lots of people named Dean. Sam was a pretty common name, too. The fact that his own father's name was John, well…no. He was reading too much into it, he told himself. _No_. Winchester wasn't a common last name, but it wasn't uncommon, either…right? And he'd met another Campbell. Campbell, he was sure, was much more common. The fact that the guy's name was Dean Campbell was just a coincidence. If he didn't read the _Supernatural _series, he probably wouldn't have thought anything of it. Just a Dean Campbell meeting a Sam Winchester. Nothing special at all. Not one bit. Should he call? No. Yes. Maybe. Was he just teasing? Was he serious? Sam took a breath. Grabbed his phone. He had already entered Dean's number. _Call me later, Sammy_, Dean had said. Was that for real? Or was he just teasing? Real Dean wasn't better than Show Dean. Ugh. Wait- no. No. No no no. Jess. What about Jessica? He loved Jess. Oh, no. No. No. Not another coincidence. A Sam Winchester meeting a Dean Campbell while dating a Jessica Moore? A Jess he loved? Until Dean came in.

"You still on the Supernatural forum?" a laughing voice broke his thoughts. The laughing voice that belonged to Jess.

"Yeah, yeah. Just- arguing, I guess. Some stupid people think that Cas is better for Dean."

Jess smiled. "Because Sam is _so_ much better." She rolled her eyes and plopped down on the couch beside him. Dammit. Sam held his phone to his leg and willed it to go into sleep mode or whatever.


	3. Red Gold

_AN: Hi! Thank you again to my amazing beta, sadstuck13 ^ ^ I know that this isn't Twist and Shout or anything like that, but reviews would be incredibly appreciated. Please have a nice day :)_

The phone rang. Dean nearly jumped. Was it Sam? No. It wasn't. The caller ID said _SHA33_. Dean felt his blood run cold. It was the Thing. Dean had nicknamed it that, although it most certainly had nothing to do with the movie. Its voice was raspy and weird and dark. Alien. When it had first called, it had scared Dean practically out of his mind, and not a lot of things did that. The caller ID felt vaguely familiar, but he couldn't pinpoint where it might be from. The Thing, whatever it was, it had asked for…potatoes. Dean picked up.

"Hello?" he asked. _Maybe it's Sam_, he hoped. _Maybe he found the Thing's phone and…decided to give me a call after he killed it somehow._ No such luck.

"Do you have them?" a voice asked. Okay- that was _not_ the Thing. It wasn't Sam, either. It was the voice of, well, it sounded to Dean like it was the voice of…a teenager. Your typical bratty, popular, high school prep.

"Who is this?" Dean asked. He felt well deserved in asking that question, rightfully. Anyone would be surprised if they were expecting some weird gross alien voice and got the voice of some prom queen.

"It doesn't _matter_!" she hissed. But she didn't seem scared or anything. "Did you buy the potatoes?"

"I- 30 of them, so far."

"More!" she insisted. "We need _more_. At least two hundred, total."

"_Two_ _hundred_?"

"What are you, deaf?" Dean could practically _see_ the teenage sass oozing through the speakers. "We said a lot. _Thirty_ does not constitute _a lot_."

"I- it does in potatoes! Again, can I ask who this is, and _why_ you want 200 potatoes and _where_ the _hell_ should I put them? Because I don't want to have thirty goddamn potatoes lying around my house!" Having to talk to a teenage prep made it a lot easier to argue with than talking to the Thing.

A sigh came from the other side. "We'll come collect them. Just- wrap them in ribbons and leave them at your front doorstep, for all I care!" A pause. "Actually, yeah. Leave them outside. I think you would consider coming in to your home to be, uh, breaking and entering."

Dean frowned uncertainly. Who the hell _were_ these people? If they even _were_\- no. That was only in the _Supernatural_ books. Aliens and monsters and weird…creatures…weren't real. No. Not even if he was a Dean Campbell whose mother was a Mary. Not even if he met a Sam. Oh, god. Sam. Had he called?

Dean checked his phone. No texts, no voicemails. For some reason, this sent a tiny stab of…oh, dear God was that…it couldn't be. No. Dean Campbell does not feel…disappointed. Not when a girl doesn't call him. Not when a…dude doesn't call him. That wasn't about to end on a whim because of…Sam. No. Not at all.

For some reasons, hot guys bothered him more than girls. Girls, he could do. Maybe it just came from years of practice. Maybe it came from being taught your whole life that being able to flirt was a good skill to have. Whatever the reason may be, on a good day Dean was able to charm a girl out of her dress in five minutes flat. But around a guy? All of his years of practice went _whoosh_, straight out the window. Maybe it was because he had no gender-neutral pickup lines. Anyway, Sam was no exception to this rule. He was hot as hell. And freaking adorable.

The teenager voice broke his thoughts. That's right. He was still on the phone.

"Did you hear what I said?" she was asking, clearly irritated.

"No, must've missed it," Dean lied. _I was completely spacing out because you made me buy potatoes and so I ran into Sam and-_ "What'd you say?"

"I _said_, you need over a hundred and seventy more potatoes. At this rate, it's going to take you _forever_ to get that much!"

Dean rolled his eyes. He needed more sleep. "Okay. Fine. I'll get more…potatoes. Any preferences?"

"The regular kind."

"What the hell is the regular kind?!" Dean exploded. "You asked for potatoes and there were, like, twenty different kinds!"

A long, dramatic sigh echoed through the speaker. "The kind you got today was fine. Just don't take too long, 'kay?"

Dean groaned. Why the hell was he taking orders from a high schooler, again? "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll do it."

It had been a long day. He got out his laptop. No new replies on the forum- did RealMoose seriously give up? He was known for his debates, and Dean was kinda hoping that RealMoose was the one who took up the challenge. Or maybe RealMoose was doing something. That's it. They were probably busy. Dean _did_ have work, too. Nobody could live their life online. Well, not while keeping a social life and no way in hell was Dean ever going to give _that _up.

It really had to have been a _really _long day if Dean was even _considering_ giving up having sex for a life on the forums. Even if he _had_ managed to snag one of the most-copied usernames out there before the long strings of "meaningful" numbers (19677983)appeared. Early bird takes the worm- or, in this case, the earlier in the fandom, the better the usernames.

He needed sleep.


	4. Yukon Gold

_AN: Hi again! Okay, seriously guys. I'm confused. My other fics that I just kind of slapped down on paper got, like, actual reviews and favorites but this one, the one I actually put effort into doesn't? Ugh. Well, that's life, I guess. Anyway, thanks as always to sadstuck13 for being my beta and please review/favorite!_

"Ex_cuse_ me?" Sam asked. The man glared.

"I'm late, and you and your shitty computer- you're holding me up!" he sputtered. "Hurry up!"

Sam sighed. "It's not," he started. "my fault." Actually, it was. The computer had started working pretty much as soon as the man had started venting his complaints in rather…colorful language, but why satisfy a douchebag like that? If he had been the regular impatient type (slightly annoyed, but not complaining) he would've been happy to hurry up. People who complain? Out loud? To the very people who could scan an item over and over again so he might have to pay for that container of Greek yogurt three times over? Not that he did- he didn't go as far as to mess with money. He tapped on the screen for good measure.

"Hurry up, already!" he repeated vehemently. Sam rolled his eyes.

"It's working now," he announced. Loudly. Sarcastically. In a now-will-you-just-shut-the-hell-up voice. Still, he took ample time in ringing up the guy's groceries. The man huffed as Sam scanned the last item. A sack of 5 Yukon Gold potatoes. The vegetable made him smile a bit- what did Dean want to do with all those potatoes, anyway? He had already figured out how Dean knew his name. It was stitched on to a nametag. Figures.

"Thanks for shopping with us, Marv." The guy looked pissed as signed his name. Good. Sam smiled a little.

"What a douchebag," a voice commented. Sam looked up.

"Dean," he noted. _Real smooth, Winchester._ And then it hit him. "Shit."

Dean raised his eyebrows curiously, a slightly hurt expression on his face. "You didn't call?" he asked. It was more of a statement, really.

"Shit, sorry. I-" Sam half-waved his arms around, as if he would find an excuse in the air. "I was caught up in my work, and I was distracted by this online thing and- I am so, _so_ sorry-"

He was cut off by Dean's laughter. "It's cool, man. Either way, I have a shit ton more potatoes."

Sam stared. "Seriously, dude? Why the hell do you need more than 30 potatoes?"

"You tell me," Dean sighed.

"You mean you _don't_ know?"

"I- it's complicated."

Sam shook his head. "Whatever you say. So, uh, 28 potatoes this time?"

"Looks like it. Only 28?"

"_Only_?"

"I- never mind. People are looking at us weird. And you _better _call." Dean tossed a wink in his direction and rolled the cart out the door. _No!_ Sam told himself. _Jess. Dammit. I'll call later and explain._

How he found himself later with his phone in hand, making plans for coffee with Dean the next day while Jess was out getting last-minute groceries? Beats him.

" …so I walked up to him," Dean was saying. "And I asked him _what the hell are you doing, man_? Since, you know, he was, yeah. So he just turns around with the most _ridiculous _expression on his face…"

Sam nearly broke down laughing, Dean told the story so well.

Dean chuckled. "So," Dean prompted. "Does Monday work?"

"At three," Sam confirmed. "At (coffee pun)."

"Awesome! See you on Monday, then."

"See you," Sam echoed. Would this be considered cheating? Or was it purely platonic? Did he even like guys? What the hell was happening?

Supernatural forums

Thread: Destiel or Wincest? By Impala | Cat.: Debate | Impala vs RealMoose | Last post: 7 hours ago

\- PREV. PAGE

Impala: Okay, but think about it. Remember in book four when they just ended that chapter with Cas and Dean staring at each other? They didn't even break eye contact at all! For all we know, they could've stood there for _hours_. When do Dean and Sam have anything like that? And every time Dean saw gay people he never had a problem with the idea of being gay or bi or whatever, it was the whole incest thing. Again- it's incest, too.

RealMoose: They did have the aforementioned_ Mystery Spot_ chapter when Sam kept freaking out about Dean dying. Each time. For over a hundred days. Or all the times when they died unrelated to Gabe, or nearly died, they were _seriously_ freaked out. And Dean wouldn't let Bobby bury Sam. And the fact that it's incest? Get over that! Sure, it's illegal. Oh, wait. So the whole "family business" and all those times Sam and Dean impersonated officers and ran credit card scams? Totally legal. My mistake, sorry. And what did you say about communism on page 6 to me? What is this, YouTube? Grow up, bitch|.

Sam slammed _enter_. Sometimes _Impala_ was pretty cool, but now, well, whoever they were, they were just getting annoying. He was really excited at first to see that no one had taken the debate (that was his favorite section of the forums) but now it was getting tiring. It had started out brilliantly: both of them were using long, page-long, evidence-packed answers. Both of them were probably at their computers at the same time, since an essay-length reply would come minutes after submission. That was for the first 5 pages. After that, it was repeating the same arguments over and over, and trading immature insults.

_Oh, shit_. He had used a curse word. The filter was terrible, and would probably change the _bitch_ to something like _LADY DOG_. The last time that had happened, Impala kept bringing that up. _Language, Moosey_, Impala mocked. _Were you using a potty word?_ Apparently the f-word because _frick frak snickle snack_. Whoever ran the _SPN_\- _Official_ forums had a terrible sense of what was appropriate in certain situations but a sense of humor.

"Sam?" Jess called. "You want some hot chocolate?" Her hair shone under the light, her lips looked beautiful and cheeks the perfect shade, and at that moment, there was nothing more Sam wanted to do than to kiss her.

"Sure. Thanks." She turned around to make some, and the moment was over. That didn't change how amazing she was, or how good her cocoa was. Or how pretty she looked in a sundress, or how her hair glittered in the light. Come to think of it, why did he agree to go with Dean for coffee?

After all, they had literally only met twice.


End file.
